List Of Presents from Finger Willy

grumpy cat christmas

Bitches and bitchachos! Have a Merry Christmas! And don’t forget that today not only Christ was born but also a shitload of stupid people. I wish you fuckers all the best, may the next year be better than this stupid-ass 2019!

If anyone of you forgot to get a present for yourself or someone you ~~hate~~ love for Christmas or New Year, Finger Willy got you covered, bitches.

Here is a list of the most utterly fucked up presents ever.

1. The pimple popper.

We’ll just get this out of the way now: this toy is disgusting. And for some people, it probably rivals bubble wrap for being incomprehensibly satisfying. And to boot, this doesn’t make any noise that might annoy the crap out of everyone. So this is basically a quiet, gross version of bubble wrap.

2. Self Urination Golf Stick

Your golfing buddy can drink beer on the course without having to hide in the rough with this novelty club, with this urinating golf stick. Golfers can hide their short game under a “privacy towel” while they drain their personal water hazard. Give the gift of peace of mind this season.

3. Selfie Toaster

Brighten up their morning with a breakfast game-changer. The Selfie Toaster is a truly weird way for any weirdo to start their weird day. Whether you choose to brand their breakfast with your face or theirs, it is probably the most unusual way we can think of to eat the most important meal of the day, and a gift that will leave a lasting impression.

4. Bag of Unicorn Farts Cotton Candy

Why gift regular cotton candy when it could be rebranded as unicorn farts? This delicious treat comes in a hilarious bag that’s sure to get some cackles at white elephant parties or holiday events, making it a great addition to potlucks or dinner parties.

5. Grow Your Boyfriend Toy

Boyfriend Grow Toys, Just add water for the perfect man. Growing your own Boyfriend will guarantee that he is always polite, and will never argue back. Put your Boyfriend in a jar of water and watch him grow 600%. Be patient, grow toys may take up to 72 hours to fully expand.

Sure hope you get something for Christmas this morning, if not, well maybe you are just an asshole, Think about that now, so you won’t be left alone also on New Year’s eve.

Finger Willy

The God of sarcasm and the king of criticism. I have traveled around the globe and got so sick of all the stuff happening in the world. I've seen it all and now I'm ready to tell you what I think. And in the way, I f*** think. Don’t start whining, just use critical thinking! He’s got his common sense, and you know it. So he won’t f*** around with no reason. I'll comment your oddly long-reads and I'll show you my mid’ le finger when you’re being dumb af. Sorry, not sorry. Do you want to know my opinion on all the global issues: global warmth, over tolerance, politics, war, science, religion, etc? You got it! I'm the top banana here. And I always go bananas. Join me and enjoy me!