No penis allowed
“After mutual cunnilingus”
“After my girlfriend’s first orgasm”
“After I touched her vulva”
“When I came for the first time”
“When a girl penetrated me with her fingers for the first time”
“When we were both naked in bed touching each other”
“After the first tribadism experience”
These are the answers of girls who had sex with girls only (so they don’t have any hetero-experience at all) to a question of at which moment they decided that it was when they had sex.
The question is not random.
Not every couple, including same-sex ones, practice penetration. But almost every person has an affirmation in their head that first sex equals losing virginity equals “getting rid of” virginal membrane.
“So it means I am still a “girl”… — was in a message from my followers, — I have lived with a girl for three years. And before that, I dated girls only. I have never dated a man as they simply didn’t attract me in this way. So, in fact, I haven’t actually lost my virginity.”
There is no such thing as “in fact”.
It works exactly as you decided for yourself.
Sex is always subjective and you are free to call it “sex” if it is how you feel about in line with your own subjective emotional experience.
We are now at that blessed point where we rewrite the “history of sex” in a certain sense and get rid of penis-and-vagina supremacy.
Fifteen years ago, when we met the word “sex” in a book or an article, it was obvious for everyone that it was referring to penetration. Such practices as cunnilingus/fellation, fingering and so on were all silently understood as petting. Manually, orally and so on it was just petting. And it didn’t matter that you both were naked while doing it, and you received or delivered an orgasm. Anyways it was considered less than sex.
For what reason?
For no reason.
That was the discourse, that is formed by books and articles as well, where His Majesty Sex was only termed as penetration of one genitalia (female) by the means of the other (male).
And yes, all of that are parts, edges, shatters and echoes of the patriarchal discourse centered arounв a penis.
Sex that didn’t involve a penis is not actually sex.
(from here we have girls crying on the attempts to find “vaginal orgasm” and who cares if she comes like crazy when her clitoral head is stimulated; it’s still “not really a thing”.)
Relationships, where none of the partners has a penis, are not actual relationships.
(Here we have that a two-girl couple is seen as “chicks are just fooling around”; and who cares if those “chicks” are together for a ridiculously long time, bring up children and are going to grow old together; it’s still “not really a thing”.)
Rape which didn’t involve you being poked with a penis is not actually rape.
( here goes “…he didn’t do anything to you, how can it be rape if he didn’t even get his pants off?”; and who cares that the intensity of post-traumatic stress is not defined by the body part they used to rape you; because with a finger it’s still “not really a thing”.)
Do you understand why I am against this penis-and-vagina supremacy,
For me, this question is much wider than the one mentioned at the beginning (What to consider first sex if we talk about the two-girl relationship?”)
Because the number of people who feel unhappy because of that supremacy is incommensurably bigger than of those who benefit from it.
Sex is not a point (where penis penetrates the vagina) but a spectrum (of everything you understand and identify as sex).
I will repeat it a lot and repeat it often.
As much as it takes to make people feel that reasonings of “superiority of penis and vagina activity above all the rest” is old-school bullshit.
I will do everything I can so that each of us would have not two boxes to sort out our perception of intimacy — a small one labeled “sex” and a huge one with a “nit sex” writing on it. But something like IKEA’s KALLAX — with a lot of sections, many boxes, each of which you label yourself.