TWIFT | Football | Funny football stories

Funny football stories

Here we are going to talk about the thing I love most ‒ Football! And not just football itself, it’s kinda boring. We are talking about funny soccer stories! 

Before the start, we have to say a little about the word «soccer»(we all know, that football was born in England, not in Brazil), it is derived from an abbreviation of association,  as in Association Football. At the end of the XIX century, it was spelled variously as socca and socker.  It is said that upper-class sportsmen had a fad of adding ‘er’ to everything. Rugby became rugger and socca became soccer. By the way, my favorite example of this type of patois is Pragger Wagger, a slang word for the Prince of Wales (later Edward VII). 

Once in a medical school 

A medical professor has just finished a lecture on mental health and began an oral quiz. Speaking particularly about manic depression, the senior physician asked: «How would you diagnose a patient who one minute goes back and forth, shouting at the top of the lungs, and the next minute ‒ sits on a chair, crying uncontrollably?» A young man in the back of the class raised his hand and said, «Premier League football manager?» Hundred percent similarity. 

Portsmouth vs Southampton Rivalry

An elementary school teacher starts a new job at a school in West Hampshire and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to the class that she is a Southampton fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are also fans of the Saints. Everyone in the class raises his hand, waiting for one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, “Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?” “Because I am not a Southampton fan,” she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked: “Well, if you’re not a fan of the Saints, then who are you?” “I am a fan of Portsmouth, and I am proud of it,” replied Mary. The teacher could not believe her ears. “Mary, why, tell me, are you a fan of Pompey?” “Because my parents are from Portsmouth, and my mom is a Pompey fan, and my dad is a Pompey fan, so I am a Pompey fan too!” “Well,” said the teacher in a clearly annoyed tone, “That’s no reason why you should be a Portsmouth fan. You don’t have to be like your parents all the time. What if your mom was a slut and your dad was a drug dealer and a car thief, who would you be then?” Then Mary smiled, “I would be a Southampton fan.” Wow, fucking amazing. 

Norwich vs Ipswich Rivalry 

An Ipswich van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Norwich City fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their green and yellow colors. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, “Where are you going, Father?” “I’m going to say mass at St. Joseph’s church, about 2 miles down the road,” replied the priest. “No problem Father! I’ll give you a lift! Get in!” The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van went down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Norwich fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. Fortunately, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last minute, he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the Norwich fan. However, even though he was certain he missed the Norwich fan, he still heard a loud ‘thud’.  Not understanding where the noise came from, he looked in his mirrors, and when he didn’t see anything he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry, Father, I almost hit that Norwich fan.” ”That’s okay,” replied the priest, “I got him with the door!” 

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The World’s Smallest Football League

The same pitch, the same faces… All about the world’s smallest football league on the Isles of Scilly, the UK, with just two teams who play with each other every week, the way they pick up teams will remind you of playing games in school. They play 16 games in the league and 3 games in a Cup, overall 19 games in a season. The population of the Isles is 15 000 people, not many… An average Premiership stadium has more seats than the whole population of these Isles. In fact, they play for a barrel of beer and they don’t fucking care. One of the most beautiful football short stories. 

A football match in Honor of Bungay

The amusing and kind match took place in the town of Bungay in Suffolk, where all the people who participated in this match were Bungay. 22 players, a referee, a doc, even a fucking mascot was Bungay! Indeed, Bungay is one of Britain’s rarest names with only 455 people called Bungay in the country ‒ just 12 people per million.  

The Bungays came from Britain, Australia, and America and they turned up for the match which is believed to be the first in the world using all players of the same name. The mixed-sex teams were able to tell each other apart as they had different red and blue shirts ‒ but all had Bungay printed on the back. 

The idea for the match came about after Shaun Cole who is on the Bungay Town FC management committee decided to investigate ways of promoting the Anglian Combination League club. He saw a mention of the London advertising and public relations company Beattie McGuinness Bungay on Twitter and contacted the firm to see if anyone called Bungay worked there. Mr. Cole, 51, ended up speaking to the firm’s director Bil Bungay who suggested they find as many Bungays as possible to play in a football match. He then searched the BT directory inquiries website to find addresses for 68 families with the name. Mr. Cole wrote to all the Bungays he could find and contacted others internationally on Facebook and Twitter. All profits from the match, which was drawn 6-6 (I suppose that was one of the funniest soccer games), went to The Jack and Ada Beattie Foundation, which supports vulnerable people. That’s awesome. Fuck the names, help each other. 

A funny deal turned into a nightmare 

One of the most interesting football short stories was about a defender who was bought for 15 kilos of pork sausages. Romanian defender Marius Cioara retired immediately saying he could not face any more sausage-related taunts at his expense. I guess that wasn’t so funny for him at those times, poor fellow. He was bought from the second league to play in the fourth. However, a day after the deal was leaked to the media, Cioara announced he was giving up football and had decided to flee the country. He moved to Spain and has got a job on a farm there. Being a football player is not the easiest deal, as you can see. 

The record will never be beaten? 

A former West Ham and Fulham striker Leroy Rosenior was a pretty lucky player, you would never think he could be so unlucky as a manager. He was appointed boss of a struggling club ‒ Devon club. There was a press-conference of the club where Rosenior was presented and it finished at 3:30 pm. Then, at 3.40 pm, Leroy was told by the chairman that the Devon club had been sold to a business consortium. And that meant he was out. What Leroy said is: «For it to happen ten minutes after I finished the press conference was a bit of a shock. But we had a good laugh about it afterward.» As you can see, he wasn’t so soul-sick as a hero in a previous story… 

All these stories teach us to be kind human beings and not to lose our sense of humor! 

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